...and yet He loves

I love when I read the Word and something jumps out at me that I can struggle with and talk to Daddy about. This morning it was a piece of scripture from the Gospels: John 12

The chapter opens with Mary, loving on Jesus and pouring out her expensive perfume. After she pours it out on Jesus’ feet, Judas Iscariot says, “Why was this perfume not sold for 300 denarii [a year’s wages for an ordinary workman] and that [money] given to the poor (the destitute)?  Now he did not say this because he cared for the poor but because he was a thief; and having the bag (the money box, the purse of the Twelve) he took for himself what was put into it [pilfering the collections]” John 12:5-6 AMP

Wait…I’d missed this the first hundred times. Judas was not only Jesus’ betrayer, but a thief besides? The Treasurer of the group was a thief?

But he literally WALKED with Jesus. He heard the Words of God directly from the mouth of Jesus…as in he could TOUCH Him physically, every day. How does that happen?

We are a true mess without the Lord. Without Him we are nothing. But I realize that even as Christians, we are still not worthy. We still don’t deserve Him. We still are nothing compared to a Holy God. We can do nothing right without Him. It’s almost like, “wait, wasn’t Lazarus a literal FOLLOWER of Christ?” Because when you accept Christ and follow Him, that’s when you behave as you should all the time, that’s when you do everything right, right?

We will never know what it means for a truly Holy God to love a people who know what to do and still do the opposite (we hear you Paul).  Who know what sin is and the damage it causes and still partake of it. As a believer, I have a new-found awe and appreciation for the Lord that loves me. Even as I follow Him, I am a mess and He loves me still.

Embodied in this flesh that is constantly rising up and demanding to have it’s way and our eventual submissions to it...just to shut it up. This wretched flesh that insists on being satisfied. Our Lord loves us even when He knows our horrible thoughts and our sinful actions. His faithfulness and love are not conditional. No, I will never know how much it cost to see my sin on the cross, and I will also never understand what it means for Love to love me. Everyday…an "impossible" feat to love such a sinful people and yet, He neither falters nor hesitates to do so.